There I was, crouching in the corner of my little cage. I couldn't remember how I got there or where there was, but one thing I did know was that there was a hungry lion in my cage with me. He wanted to rip me to shreds and tear my flesh from my bones and dine on the bloody carcass he would create from my body. I had to find a way to make him reconsider. My first idea, barter, did not work. I guess now I realize why that system stopped, if you are poor, like the Irish were back in the day, you have nothing to barter. Those Irish geniuses, however, decided to make pretty pictures to trade with...and their favorite color is blue...hence the "dollar". So, I was in my tank with the shark, not really knowing what to do, so I took out my mess kit and seved him a nice U.S. Army "ready to eat meal", thinking that the fat that americans reuire would slow him down. It just made him mad. I think he doesn't like M&Ms.
I don't really remember where this is going, so I am going to recite a poem.
There once was a lady from Venus, her body was shaped quite like a...hrrmmm...dumptruck? Ahh yes, I remember now. So all I really had to do was shout "RAPE!!!", and the five year old racist cowboy knew it was in its best interests to just leave me alone. I guess the claim that "the stop go stop" method of putting out a fire is better than the "stop drop and roll" method has been proven true once again. 

Henry Rayker
¶ 11:39 PM

  I was moving these people into their new home. I don't remember where I got the job. They had this huge truck. It took like 3 hours. They payed me fifty bucks and gave me a lot of food and drink...water and a tasty concoction of ham, cheese, egg and bacon all crammed inside of a croissant. I had three. The best part was the pay...they gave me fifty dollars...and they had like six boxes labeled "booze fragile"...I ran off with like...all of them. They will miss their fragile booze I think. I guess the part they will miss the most is the fact that the truck is still half full...and I crashed it...into a pond. By pond, I mean Niagra Falls. Hitch-hiking is hard...especially when your shirt is covered in blood. I knew I shouldn't have rolled around on that dead dog. Oh well...
My least favorite part about Niagra Falls is the way that the water is so loud...I drank two boxes of fragile booze on the way there...napped...then finished the drive with a hangover...the water made it worse...I think my favorite part is the way that the truck was washed away real fast. I love it when shit goes real fast. Well...not when it is my shit that I want. Once some guy stole my stereo from my home...and he ran real fast. I think he learned that from hunting gazelle or something. He robbed me fast...but I shot at him...too bad I was so drunk. The liquor was the only thing that gave me the idea to rob my neighbors. Do unto your neighbors what has been done unto you...I think I read that on a cereal box or something...maybe a little kid told me...I don't really remember things too well. The one thing I do remember though is helping these people move into their new house...they payed me...with entertainment, food, money , and fragile booze. NOT in that order. 

Henry Rayker
¶ 10:12 PM