DAMN IT! I got arrested. I haven't been here for a long time. Actually, I was only in jail for a few hours...problem is, I was in and out like crazy. I got in on the second, left on the second. The fourth comes along and, being a drunk, you KNOW I am going to party like it's the turn of the centuryx10 all over again...except for the fact that I am not over one thousand years old. I bought a 4:3 ratio of liqour and fireworks. I spent nearly fourty thousand dollars...that's why I was in prison the first time by the way. Only, they thought I had stolen only twelve cars...fools. Thirteenth time is the charm I say. I wanted to be in Gone In 60 Seconds...so I wanted to steal a lot of cars...they caught me...I wanted to sell much much much more cars for many many many more dollars...for celebration...I'm good at heart. Well, so I has my booze and my explosion fodder, and I makes to the local animal shelter. My favorite is when they beg...that is the best. You hold the piece of food over their mouth and they stand on the back legs and hold the arm-legs tucked up...like a tyrannosaurus rex...my dog is too...self-centered to learn to beg...that's not the point. I wanted to free all of the little beg machines...so I rigged up lots of liqour into my booze hat...a slightly modified version of the beer hat...with the straw...only this one hold two fourty four gallon drums onto my head...with a lot of neck support...and a few wheels. Then I rigged up the explosives. They were all set to blow when I made a huge mistake...instead of lighting the fuse, I lit my pants. I screamed...the dogs barked...the fuse eventually got lit...but by that point, I was unconcious and the dogs were all at the doors. It looked like a fat man had regurgitated an entire whale, witnesses said. Every dog in the joint was blown to pieces. I was burned...although not severly...but...killing lots of dogs that someone MIGHT love is a major offense these days. Is there anything involving a 4:3 booze-firework ratio NOT illegal these days?
Henry Rayker
